McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
