I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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