You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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