dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
