this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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