I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
