True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
