It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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