I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
