if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
