I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
