I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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