i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize