i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
