The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was born a porn star she said
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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