Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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