We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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