The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He shit in the fireplace
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
