You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize