No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
