are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
