yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
