the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
