Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
