Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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