There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
