She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize