I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize