My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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