CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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