we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
