I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
