Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
