He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
