the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
