he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
