Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
