The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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