I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
