God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
