Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
