I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
