I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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