i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He passed out mid-signature
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
