I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
