I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This toilet bowl is my home.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
