Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
