I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
