If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
