His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
