i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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