oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
