What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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