Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
birth control should be required to get into college
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
