i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
