I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
