He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
love makes seman taste better
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
