I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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