I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
