I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
