Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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