I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
