Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
