I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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