Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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