all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
