We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
