ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
