a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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