he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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