By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
