If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
