dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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